Susan Spess Shay

Still playing make believe.


Hitler AND Attila in MY Garden?

It rained here this weekend, and cooled down enough for me to take a stroll through my back yard. Know what I noticed?

Things have gone wild!

Mainly weeds. (Grass that grows in my garden=weeds.)

Remember the vine trying to take over the world?

Attila the Vine? I’d planned to move him (or at least part of him) but with the weather as dry as it was, I thought I’d wait until fall. Instead, I wound him around a pyramid thingy he grows on.

There are so many layers now, I may never find the pyramid thingy again.

This is the best part of my garden. (The wildest, at least.)

The green pile on the left that looks like Cousin It on St. Paddy’s Day (Cousin It–Adams Family. Remember?) is Attila the Vine. In the back is a castor bean plant. Yes, they’re supposed to be poison, but I haven’t seen any little animals dropping over in my garden.

I planted it to keep moles and gophers out of my yard. And it worked . . . kinda. I’ve seen only one mole run since I started planting castors. It started in the middle of my yard and headed (can you guess?) STRAIGHT for the plant.

Of course, it might have been a mole who strolled up to the plant, saw it was a poison bean, dove into the earth and drilled away. (I’m remembering a cartoon from my childhood as I write with a gopher working under a garden, pulling veggies from the roof of his run. Anybody remember that?)

Now meet Hitler.

Hitler is a gang of watermelons. They, too, are trying to take over the world.

See the thing hanging on the fence to the right of the bean, next to a star?

There you go. You can tell what it is now, right? It’s a watermelon. Anybody else grow watermelons on their fence?

These watermelon plants are volunteers. I planted them last year, and they came back.

(Isn’t winter supposed to kill off things like watermelons and pumpkins? Wait. Did we have a winter last year?)

Anyway, this gang has reached out to all parts of the garden and they’re even growing over Cousin It. (I pull them off, they crawl back on. What’s up with that?)

This guy was stuck in the back by that star, but I pulled it out,

which MIGHT have been a mistake. I’m not sure how much longer the vine can hold it there. (I wonder if a sling would help? Anyone who’s just over a carpal tunnel surgery want to donate?)

I have a few melons growing on the ground, too.

They’re also growing down the wall at the back of my garden into someone else’s yard. Yes, there are melons down there, and I can’t get to them. One even split open. *sigh*

Anybody know how to tell when a watermelon is ripe?


Garden Fear

This may get me into trouble with the law. In fact, it might really get my blog banned, but I’m going to tell you about it anyway. As a warning. Yeah. That’s it. A warning!

Don’t let this happen to you. Pretty Azalea, isn’t it? This isn’t the bully. This beautiful plant acts like a lady and very quietly grows at the office. I just wanted you to see something beautiful before I introduced you to the harsh realities of life in a garden.

Warning: The following pictures may be disturbing. Continue at your own risk.

This is the bully.

You can’t see it, but there’s a pyramid doohicky under that blaze of color. (The Wordsmith is off duty today. Sorry.)

Once upon a time, the pyramid looked something like this.

 Here’s what happened–We bought two vines and the pyramid a couple of years ago. The tiny vines were so small and innocent looking, I wondered if they’d ever cover enough of the support for it to look right, so I carefully planted them and wound their tender arms in and around the pyramid.

Every few days I’d run out and keep them headed the right direction, just in case they didn’t know where they were supposed to be. I talked to them, too. I might even have named them. “That’s right, Sweet Baby, grow on!”

Sweet Baby. I really think that was my big mistake.

I mentioned the other day that I was too big a weenie to do much in my garden last summer. So while I wasn’t looking, my tiny vine turned into a bully. Aggressive isn’t a strong enough word for it. He became the Axis Powers!(Surprise, I don’t remember that war. I learned that in History Class.)

After he swallowed the obelisk whole (I looked up the “real” word) he started reaching out to grab plants around it. He grows over them and entwined them in his tendrils, just taking them over as if he had the right.

 If he continues in the way he’s been acting, he’ll likely choke them.

Vine Homer and Daisy Bart

Isn’t there a law against what he’s doing?

I really don’t know what to do, short of something drastic. I’m honestly afraid that if I stand still very long while I’m out there, he’ll grow right over me!

I’ll have to do something drastic. Maybe take my garden shears out and whack him back. I probably should get an ax. Or even a machete. It’s starting to look like a jungle out there.

I just ran out this morning and did a mind meld with him.

The red star is hanging on my fence at the back of the garden.

I think (I’m kind of new at mind melding with plants so I’m not positive) he’s trying to reach the star(s) to eat them. Nobody tell him they’re on my fence and not in outer space. He’s liable to go supercharged.

If he did that, I’d have to rename him A-II! Now if he just had Levi Stubbs’s voice, I’d invite y’all over to feed  him–er–hear him. 🙂

Ps: Name that movie!