Susan Spess Shay

Still playing make believe.


Smack a Spammer

For years, I’ve felt kind of sorry for Hormel, the company that manufactures Spam. I ate Spam a time or two at a friend’s house. Sometimes, her mom would give us Spam sandwiches for lunch.

Since Spam never blessed the Spess family table, it was a treat. My man suggested it once when we were first married. That was the only time it ever graced the Shay table, so I’m not a Spam the food expert.

I am a SPAM on the blog expert.

Definition: Spam is the use of electronic messaging systems to send unsolicited bulk messages indiscriminately.

In other word, Spam is flooding the Internet with many copies of the same message, in an attempt to force the message on people who would not otherwise choose to receive it.

It is named for Spam, a luncheon meat, by way of a Monty Python sketch in which Spam is included in almost every dish.

In the year 2011, the estimated figure for spam messages is around seven trillion.

I have two questions for you–

  1. Did you ever hear a kid say, “I want to be a Spammer when I grow up”?
  2. Does anyone understand Spammers? I think I do, at least slightly.

Spammers are super-dorks, who need to get a life. (And no kid aspires to be a super-dork.)

Many Spammers (but not all) are computer geeks, who set up robots that deliver their idiocy. You’d think someone with that kind of talent would put it to good use, but they don’t.

To be honest, I get a kick out of some Spam. Often it’s in a foreign language. (I read online that 30% of all spam originates in Asia.) Those hit the trash bin immediately. I usually don’t even know what language it is.

Then there are the ones who don’t truly speak English, but try anyway. It’s not their second or even third language. From them, I get things such as–

 I’m like your blog. You want the sugar into a ram. Enjoy the speak.

They don’t make a lot of sense, but they make me laugh.

There are flatterers.

Terrific work! This is the type of information that should be shared around the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post higher!

Riiiiight. Why don’t you write them and let them know? Snort.

Then there are the ones that are nothing but, “Buy my stuff, buy my stuff, buy my stuff.” And the email address is usually .

Most people delete Spam immediately. It’s almost never allowed in comments on a blog. So why do Spammers keep spamming? Four reasons–

  1. It’s cheap.
  2. It’s the same as a mass mailing, so lots of people see it. And someone might actually read it.
  3. It’s stupid, and stupid is as stupid does.
  4. It’s addictive.

I wouldn’t be surprised to hear a new 12 Step program for Spammers announced in the next few years. I’ll give them a referral!

I’d be glad to line them up and give them a Three Stooges Smack.

 To Spammers–Grow up! Get a life and stop irritating people. We’ll all be glad you did!