Susan Spess Shay

Still playing make believe.


Garden Fear

This may get me into trouble with the law. In fact, it might really get my blog banned, but I’m going to tell you about it anyway. As a warning. Yeah. That’s it. A warning!

Don’t let this happen to you. Pretty Azalea, isn’t it? This isn’t the bully. This beautiful plant acts like a lady and very quietly grows at the office. I just wanted you to see something beautiful before I introduced you to the harsh realities of life in a garden.

Warning: The following pictures may be disturbing. Continue at your own risk.

This is the bully.

You can’t see it, but there’s a pyramid doohicky under that blaze of color. (The Wordsmith is off duty today. Sorry.)

Once upon a time, the pyramid looked something like this.

 Here’s what happened–We bought two vines and the pyramid a couple of years ago. The tiny vines were so small and innocent looking, I wondered if they’d ever cover enough of the support for it to look right, so I carefully planted them and wound their tender arms in and around the pyramid.

Every few days I’d run out and keep them headed the right direction, just in case they didn’t know where they were supposed to be. I talked to them, too. I might even have named them. “That’s right, Sweet Baby, grow on!”

Sweet Baby. I really think that was my big mistake.

I mentioned the other day that I was too big a weenie to do much in my garden last summer. So while I wasn’t looking, my tiny vine turned into a bully. Aggressive isn’t a strong enough word for it. He became the Axis Powers!(Surprise, I don’t remember that war. I learned that in History Class.)

After he swallowed the obelisk whole (I looked up the “real” word) he started reaching out to grab plants around it. He grows over them and entwined them in his tendrils, just taking them over as if he had the right.

 If he continues in the way he’s been acting, he’ll likely choke them.

Vine Homer and Daisy Bart

Isn’t there a law against what he’s doing?

I really don’t know what to do, short of something drastic. I’m honestly afraid that if I stand still very long while I’m out there, he’ll grow right over me!

I’ll have to do something drastic. Maybe take my garden shears out and whack him back. I probably should get an ax. Or even a machete. It’s starting to look like a jungle out there.

I just ran out this morning and did a mind meld with him.

The red star is hanging on my fence at the back of the garden.

I think (I’m kind of new at mind melding with plants so I’m not positive) he’s trying to reach the star(s) to eat them. Nobody tell him they’re on my fence and not in outer space. He’s liable to go supercharged.

If he did that, I’d have to rename him A-II! Now if he just had Levi Stubbs’s voice, I’d invite y’all over to feed  him–er–hear him. 🙂

Ps: Name that movie!